Changes

We've been somewhat... absent these last few months. Like with most things, there are good reasons for this.
The first is that we have undergone a change of administration.
The second is that, as a consequence of this, we've been very busy.
The third, and by far the most important, is that under our new administration, blog posting isn't considered a priority.

You see, I'm a man of action. Always have been. The Head's demonized me to the others based on this fact, but under his rule things have, quite frankly, stagnated. Luckily for us, and the world, the Head is no longer in charge. I am. We are planning. We are not forging alliances, for we do not need them. We have targets in mind and the means to eliminate them. So, to those of you who follow the Tall One...

Good luck.
(Brute)

Amendments

Allow me to start this post by stating that the servant is an idiot and will not be allowed to make formal announcements again. That said, allow me to say what needs to be said.

Yes, we are by all means and purpose handing out free guns. Why? Because every time one of you kills a proxy, we see it as a step towards success. What is success in our books? Killing the Tall One and every last one of his servants.

This may seem a bit harsh, considering most of you are championing the "all proxies are potential friends" movement, and we'll certainly allow some leniency for this. We will subdue them, ask them kindly to surrender and renounce Him, and only when they refuse will we put a bullet between their eyes.

Of course, these guns are a gift, and you can use them in any way you choose. I simply think that transparency is the best way to achieve mutual understanding.

So, for those who wish to protect themselves as well as those they love in the most efficient manner possible, you can send us an email (thegentlemenarehere@gmail.com) containing your current address and we will send an operative within the hour to .

Thank you for your time,
The Diplomat

ON SALE!

Guns! AK-47s, to be precise!
Reliable, efficient and portable, the standard AK-47 model will insure the safety of you AND your family!
Current cost estimates put an  AK-47 at somewhere between five hundred and a thousand dollars, but we've cut out the middleman and we're GIVING THE SAVINGS BACK TO YOU!

So, for the cost of approximately 0 dollars (that's right, ZERO DOLLARS), you can be the proud owner of mankind's most cherished firearm.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
When you purchase your AK-47 assault rifle, you will also receive not one, not two, but TEN MAGAZINES FREE OF CHARGE!

Hurry while supplies last.

thegentlemenarehere@gmail.com

-The Servant

EDIT: The servant wrote "hotmail" instead of "gmail". The mistake has been amended and he has been punished. (The Brute)

Record

W: Fucker! Fucker! Die, motherfucker! Bye, bye! And every day is a good day to di-
C: Entire goddamn album to listen to and this is the song you pick.
W: What, these guys are good!
C: Yes, they're good, but just because they can make a decent album doesn't mean they can't pump out a piece-of-shit track.
W: Well fuck you, you get to drive and I pick the music. That's the deal.
C: It's kind of hard to keep focused on the road with you screaming 'die motherfucker die' at me. Play a different song. Play New American Century.
W: No. Fuck that self-righteous shit.
C: Dammit, man. We're on a job here. If there's somebody waiting on the other end, and we're blasting bloody murder out of the speakers, things won't turn out very well, will they?
W: Fine. What do you want me to play. Not New American Century.
C: How about Professional Killer?
W: Isn't that the one with the chick singing on it?
C: It's a good fucking song, alright!
W: ... you're right. It is a good song. I'll play it.


C: We're almost there.
W: Wait, so did Archie say if there were going to be people there?
C: ... Did you just call him Archie? Fucking Archie?
W: What. What's wrong with that?
C: For one, that's not his fucking name. Two, you can't fucking read, so there's no goddamn way you could have figured out that the 'kuh' sound in 'Archivist' is spelled with a c-h. So the question is, what gives?
W: ... It's what the Brute calls him.
C: Oh dear god, again with the fucking Brute. It's like you want to be his Mini-Me or something.
W: Oh fuck off.


C: Well, here we are.
W: Good surprise, there's no one here.
C: Well, he said there might not be. We've just gotta look around.
W: Fucking bullshit. They should be handing this over to us on a silver platter.
C: Fine, stay in the goddamn van. I'll look on my own.


C: Found it! Get over here!
W: Wowee, that is a fine looking box.
C: Help me open it.

W: Holy crap! This is awesome!
C: I must say, this is some pretty fine stuff.
W: Wait, so we keep all of this?
C: Some of it, at least. That's what the Head says. Something about 'strengthening relationships' or some bullshit like that.
W: Hey, look at me, I'm Scarface! 'Say hello to my little friend, you fucking cock-a-roaches!'
C: Don't point that fucking thing at me... fuck.
W: Shit, what just crawled up your ass and died?
C: Nothing. Let's just get this stuff in the van.


W: Okay, you cannot tell me nothing was going on back there.
C: Someone was supposed to meet us.
W: What? I thought you said we didn't know.
C: Did you happen to look up at any point? Into the fucking trees?
W: ... oh shit.
C: Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Head's gonna have to know about this.
W: Brute too, I guess... shit!








war is coming

Backburner

Good evening. You've heard of me, and if you can guess who I am by the completion of this post, then you deserve a cookie. Perhaps several.

The Diplomat and the Head have been quarreling, which is unusual. The Brute has remained strangely silent. Likely he will find a way to aggravate the situation soon, which is understandable, given his nature. He was unfortunately never given much good will towards his fellow man. Brilliant though. If one cannot like him, one must at least admire him. The Head as well, in his own way.

Yes, the Head will not like the content of this post, but my status marks me as exempt from his rules, should he like it or not. Likely the Cynic will be thrilled. He has not been given much free rein since his own post.

The Diplomat is an interesting case. The polar opposite of myself. Where I am reserved he is brazen. Where I catalogue he applies. He doesn't seem to enjoy our equal status. Resentment, so on so forth. When power meets power incidents occur. We all remember the days when the Head and the Brute hadn't established their truce. There used to be more of us.

Hmm, here I am lost in my own thoughts again. Hardly "diplomatic". Likely setting the Head's plans back significantly, if he has one. Which he almost certainly doesn't.

Things are moving forward and deaths will likely occur. The Head will want expansion and the Brute will want conquest.

Have you guessed yet?

Archivist

"Mad": 1

They call me the Madman and I DON'T KNOW WHY.

The Head wanted me dead, but that's just what the Brute says. He gets the Madman, the Head gets the Cynic but WHY AM I THE MADMAN?

They locked the door on me after telling me I could write. I could maybe break the computer, maybe use the glass from the screen (damn it the screen isn't glass). Okay, maybe not. Thinking. Think. Christ there's nothing I can use in here. Maybe a chair. Break the chair?

Great, now the chair is broken. Why? Okay, moving on here. Why is the door locked? Is there something behind it I'm not supposed to see? I'm going to break the chair. Wait, no, I'm what's behind the door, so everything else is in front of it.

WHY IS THE CHAIR BROKEN

EDITED: the pressure is building in this room but I'm trying I'm trying so hard. I'm trying so hard to answer the questions but they DON'T MAKE SENSE. So the answers don't either trying I'm trying.

Fun times

Formalities have been established, and frankly I'm sick of it. I'm the Cynic, and I'm sure you can tell why.
Let me give you a run down of the situation before somebody butts in.

- The Diplomat is full of himself.
- The Archivist is a little bitch.
- The Soldier thinks he eats razor blades for breakfast.
- The Head is a megalomaniac.
- The Brute is a megalomaniac who also likes killing people.
- The Servant is a nervous wreck.
- The Warrior is as dumb as a Monty Python peasant.
- The Madman will kill for anyone who gives him an orange.
- The Hermit doesn't give three shits about anything.
- I'm stuck with them.

There. That's the situation. We're all stuck in the same boiling pot and eventually someone's going to start shooting again.

Fucking truces. There is no end to how much I hate them.